


The other side of evil

by MissSith



Category: Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Darth Vader - Freeform, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Roller Coaster, F/M, Miss Bluedancer, Nightmares, Post-Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith, Pre-Star Wars: A New Hope, Qui-Gon Jinn - Freeform, Vader in confusion and hurt, psychologist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-11
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2019-07-11 05:43:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 18,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15965897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissSith/pseuds/MissSith
Summary: Psychologist Divica Bluedancer is summoned to Darth Vaders castle on Mustafar, where she gets to know a deeply hurt and confused man.Only a few years after the events of The revenge of the Sith, Vader is tortured by nightmares, panic attacks and memories of Padmé and his former master, Obi-Wan. He orders his troops to bring the most wellknown and best Psychologist from Coruscant to his castle on Mustafar.He is ready to talk about all his emotions and his feelings and thoughts about all that happened and has made him the being he has become.Will Miss Bluedancer be able to help Darth Vader, and will she survive this encounter with the most dangerous man in the galaxy?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It can take up to four weeks, latest, before new updates.

1

 

Divica Bluedancer was walking through endless and shady corridors, accompanied by a man who was clad in a dark robe, his face hidden under a hood. He had introduced himself as Vaneé when she arrived. He gave her the creeps. She wondered how he was even able to see where he was walking, with the hood this deep over his face.

 

Divicas heart beat hard against her ribs, she was very nervous and fearful. When she received the order to go to Mustafar she almost fainted because Darth Vader, the Emperor's right-hand man, wanted to see her. When that feeling finally past and Divica regained her composure, nausea overwhelmed her suddenly and she had to run for the restroom to puke her soul out.

 

The imperial Troopers where unimpressed by this and patiently waited until she felt better, had packed a few things and was ready for departure.

 

No one had told her why Lord Vader wanted to see her, for what reason she was brought to him. In fact, none of her questions were answered on the jump through hyperspace. The Troopers had simply guided her to a transport shuttle, made sure she sat down in one of the seats and buckled up, then they had started the ship and taken off.

 

Now Divica was here on this volcanic planet, at Vaders stronghold, his private sanctuary. She was doomed. There was no escaping from the claws of the Dark Lord of the Empire.

 

The air on this planet was hot and humid, filled with sulfur and smoke which made it hard to breathe. Lava rivers ran everywhere in-between black hills and mountains. Inside the castle though, it was cool, the air fresh and breathable.  Very clean,  she noticed,  as if strongly filtered. The stonewalls were carved with strange pictures and drawings, beautiful and terrifying at the same time. She recognized them to be old ancient Sith art. A cold shiver ran through her, this place was impressive, yet, it scared her to her wits. 

 

Finally they approached a door, it slid open and Vaneé guided her through. They entered a wide room, Divicas steps reverberated off the walls as they walked through. Vaders servant made no noise at all, only the soft rustling of his robe could be heard. Suddenly he made a halt, turned towards Miss Bluedancer and reached for her bag. “Let me take your belongings up to your room. Lord Vader will be with you shortly.”

 

“No”, Divica said determined. “I want to take it there myself, it's my stuff and -”

 

At this moment another door opened and the typical mechanic breathing of Darth Vader was audible, as well as his heavy steps as he approached. Divica let go of her bag, it fell to the floor with a loud thud. Vaneé dropped to his knees in deference. “My Lord, Miss Bluedancer is here.”

 

“Thank you, Vaneé.”, Vader replied and a few moments later his black figure stood right in front of Divica. The servant vanished unobtrusively through the door. 

 

“Welcome to my home, Miss Bluedancer”, Vader addressed her, his steady breathing never diminishing.

 

Divica stared at him for a while, her heart beating nervously in her chest. This mask staring at her with those rigid black eyes made her very uneasy. “Why … why did you summon me here? What can I - a simple psychiatrist - possibly do for you? Nobody wanted to tell me.”

 

“Well, my troopers just follow orders, which does not include explanations.” Vaders tone through the vocoder of his helmet was indifferent. “Follow me to my chambers Miss Bluedancer, I'd like to get started.”

 

“Get started with what, Mr. Vader?”

 

“You may call me  my lord , or  Lord Vader ”, he said almost amused. “And you will help me to overcome my mental and emotional pains and sorrows.”

 

“I … I am supposed to give you therapy?”

 

“That is correct, Miss Bluedancer.”

 

\- - - - - - - 

 

Twenty minutes later Divica sat in a black and surprisingly comfortable sofa in one of Darth Vaders private rooms. His servant served some tea and pastry on a tray, which he put on a coffee table in front of her. After he poured some tea in her cup, Vaneé retreated and left her alone with Vader.

 

Vaders eyes - well, what seemed to be the eyes in that terrible mask - stared at her. She clearly noticed him looking her up and down, intensely.

 

Divica reached for the cup of tea, her hand shaking slightly while bringing it to her mouth to take a sip. Vader was silent, watching her, uttering no sound other than his breathing. Divica didn't feel any better than before, she felt even more uneasy and on edge. The presence of Darth Vader right in front of her, so close, sent shivers down her spine. Those black eyes in this rigid mask looked right through her, directly down into her very soul. It frightened her because there were no emotions or the slightest stirring, only this black, shiny helmet.

 

“Please don't be afraid, Miss Bluedancer”, Vader said calm and softly. “No harm will come to you. I summoned you here because I need help, and I was told you were the best in your profession.”

 

Divica blinked her eyes a few times, then put the cup back on the tray. Again she cleared her throat before replying. “That means I am here as your psychologist?”

 

Vader nodded. “Correct.”

 

“Okay. Yes, I see … well, what is your problem then, Mr. … Lord Vader?”

 

Vader lowered his gaze, clawed his fingers into the armrests of his chair. “I … I dream a lot since a few months”, he started, his voice tense. “Nightmares and anxiety don't make me very effective, only unstable. The Empire needs me, I can't afford to be only half functional, plus, the Emperor senses my confusion. I tried to analyze those dreams, but they are nothing but mere dreams, no visions, no premonitions. They haunt me nonetheless.”

 

“And how can I be of help?”

 

“Make them go away.” This time Vaders voice was nothing but a whisper and Divica sensed the emotion and despair behind these words. “Just … make them go away.”

  
  
  
  



	2. 2

 

Divicas heartbeat picked up a pace, nervously she licked her lips. Her gaze fell on the pastry in front of her on the coffee table. It made her nauseous. She tried not to fall into panic, instead she took a deep breath and looked directly at Vader. “I will try my best to help you, Lord Vader”, she replied, but her shaky voice betrayed her fear. Darth Vader intimidated her, his presence was consuming, the darkness in him looming over her like the Sword of Damocles, the menace  coming from him clearly perceptible. He could assure her a thousand times that he would not harm her, she certainly wouldn't count on it. After all, he was the most dangerous man in the galaxy.

 

Divica brushed one strand of her curly brown hair back from her forehead before speaking again. “Let's start with some questions, so I can get a picture of your problems. It would be good if you’d answer truthful and honest, only then I can help you.” After this she searched her bag which stood on the floor beside her feet for her datapad.

 

“I will answer your questions as best I can, Miss Bluedancer.”

 

She nodded and activated the pad, swallowed her anxiety, put on her usual businesslike smile and again regarded the dark figure across from her. “Well then, let's get started.”

 

Vader made an inviting gesture with one of his gloved hands and nodded in approval.

 

“Tell me Lord Vader, when did it all begin? What made you notice that you have … kind of a … problem?”

 

“I am dreaming of Padmé,” Vader replied instantly. “The dreams are so real I have tears in my eyes when I wake up.” He lowered his head and inhaled deeply. “Tears Miss Bluedancer, because I wish I could go back to sleep just to be with her. Because I woke up and knew it was just a dream. Because it hurt just like on the day I learned that she was gone.” Vader exhaled sharply. “I relive it all, and like a knife through my heart it's causing me unspeakable pain once more. A long time ago it all started with Padmé, and it ended with her death on that dreadful day here on Mustafar.”

 

Divica nodded contemplatively and tapped on her Datapad. “And who was Padmé?”

 

“My wife, Miss Bluedancer.”

 

Her eyebrows shot up in surprise and her dark brown eyes looked at Vader. “You … you had a wife?”

 

“So surprised?” He sounded amused, raised his head, looking at her. “Does the thought really seem so odd to you?”

 

“Well … I ... uhm …”, Divica stammered, then cleared her throat before speaking on. “I certainly didn’t expect that. Yes.”

 

“I was once a man, a man with feelings and a heart. And I was a Jedi.”

 

Another surprised gasp from Divica. “A Jedi? You?”

 

Vader nodded. “Yes, a Jedi. And I wasn’t just the average Padawan, Miss Bluedancer. No, I was the strongest in the Force amongst all in the Order. I was the Chosen One.” He sounded almost proud when he said these words, but there was a bitter edge in his tone.

 

“The Chosen One?”

 

“Yes. I was supposed to bring balance to the Force, and now look what I've become.” He shrugged his shoulders then gestured to the cup of tea on the table. “Take another sip Miss Bluedancer, before it’s getting cold.”

 

Divica quickly reached for the cup and took a gulp. The tea was already cold, so she put the cup back on the tray while saying: “I don't understand anything about the Force, the Jedi have always been a mystery to me. Let's talk about Padmé, your wife.”

 

“You don't believe in something greater than the universe? Something that's watching over us, that surrounds us and binds everything together. Some unseen energy, which gives life to every living being?” Vader regarded her, the dark mask staring at her. “Where do you think my powers come from? I  feel this energy every second flowing through me. It's whispering and showing me everything. I can see it in you, this spark, this light which gives you life.”

 

Divicas brown eyes lay on Vader, impressed by the fervor with which he said this. “I have always been the pragmatic type,” she replied softly. “Spirituality and religion were never a thing for me.” 

 

“Too bad Miss Bluedancer,” Vader gave back. “You don't know what you're missing out.”

 

“We wanted to talk about your wife.”

 

“ You wanted to talk about her.”

 

“You brought me here to help you. If you changed your mind please say so and I will go back to Coruscant right away.”

 

Vader sighed deeply, shifted position in his seat and pointed one finger at her. “That's exactly why I wanted you. You're professional and competent, you don't let yourself get distracted. You have a strong will.”

 

Divica took a breath and couldn't quite fathom what Vader just said. “Well, whatever”, she began, putting on her professional attitude. “Why don't we finally get started. Your wife Padmé. Tell me about her.”

 

“I could tell you endless stories about her, about her kindness, her beauty and her heart. Padmé was the love of my life, she was the one I was living for. With her I was whole. She gave everything reason … in the end even my fall to the dark side.”

 

Looking at Vader with awe Divica had to swallow. To hear such words emerge from a man who was this infamous throughout the galaxy made her feel awkward, plus, she could hardly believe it. “Then you must've loved her deeply,” she mumbled.

 

Vader didn't respond, just looked at her, silently.

 

“How exactly did she die?”

 

“I don't know. The last time I saw her she … she was still breathing. I sensed the life of the baby in her womb … When I recovered and turned into … this,” he made a gesture with his hands over his body, “I was told that she had died. That it was I who killed her.”

 

Divica gasped, then quickly looked upon her datapad, typing something. She hadn't known about all this, it was awful to hear of it, and she knew Vader definitely had a lot more shocking revelations in store. Divica didn't look up when she spoke again. She could feel the tension coming from the Dark Lord, sensed his sadness and his guilt. “And what do you believe? Did you kill your wife and unborn child?”

 

“What do you think, Miss Bluedancer? Could I really have killed them? The only good thing that ever happened in my life, the only love I ever saw?” His voice was low, almost weak.

 

“I … I really don't know, Lord Vader.”

 

“I'm asking this myself every day and I can't find an answer. I know I didn't kill Padmé, I just couldn't have, yet, she died.” Vader lowered his head and his hands clasped around the armrests until they squeaked under the pressure and threatened to break. “It wasn't my intention but Obi-Wan … he made me so angry. I saw him there with her … my anger was consuming me, I just reacted and projected it upon her. A mistake I will regret forever.”

 

“I see.” Divica pondered this for a moment, then she wanted to know: “Obi-Wan? Who is he?”

 

Now she heard a little chuckle coming from Vader and that sound made her real uneasy. It wasn't funny or amused, but rather mocking and full of bitterness. “Obi-Wan Kenobi was my Jedi master, he trained me for over a decade. We were once like brothers.” Disdainful he spat out those last words.

 

Nodding Divica gazed at him. “I see. But let's stay with Padmé before we get to him. You said you were dreaming of her. What kind of dreams?”

 

“Oh Miss Bluedancer,” Vader said and his tone changed, got higher in pitch, with a hint of longing in it. “Those dreams are like heaven. I am again like I used to be, before I had to wear this suit. Before Obi-Wan left me badly wounded and crippled to die on the banks of a lava river here on this planet. A young innocent Jedi I am again in these dreams, with a jolly smile on my lips, a smile Padmé so loved. She always said:  Your smile Ani, it'll always make me weak. And then she'd kiss me.”

 

Divica noticed his breathing becoming heavy and he seemed distressed. It was clearly hard for him to speak of his dead wife. 

 

“To be with her again, to feel her touch, her lips on mine, to smell her and to hold her in my arms again - it is pure bliss. When I wake from these dreams I want to scream, I want to cry, I don't want them to end, Miss Bluedancer. How can you miss someone so badly, even after such a long time?”

 

“It is all part of grieving, Lord Vader”, she replied softly. “It'll get better in time.”

 

“In what time? After all these years it's as bad as ever. I want to weep, let the tears fall from my eyes and drown in them.” His voice was full of emotion and despair.

 

“Did you weep for her? When you learned of her death did you cry for Padmé and your unborn child?”

 

“I cried so many tears after their passing you wouldn't believe.” Now he sounded weak, resigned. “My whole life has changed just a couple of years ago, I'm not the man I used to be. Forced to live in this suit which keeps me alive, I'm in constant pain because my flesh is burned and scarred, I feel pain in limbs that don't exist anymore, can't breathe on my own because my lungs are also affected ... I'm more machine than a human being, a cyborg in a black suit and a mask, with unimaginable powers slumbering inside of me.” Vader was silent for a while, his head lowered as if in thoughts and only the rasp of his breathing could be heard. “I can only sleep a few hours at a time and during this I'm tortured by dreams of the past.” He looked up again and sighed. “I couldn't be the Jedi I was supposed to be, the Chosen one. I couldn't bring balance to the Force as it was my destiny. I fell to the dark side, became a Sith Lord and serve the Empire now.” He bent forward in his seat, the dark eyes of his mask gazing directly at Divica. “Help me, let me wipe out the past, so I can at least be the Sith my master wants me to be. It's all I got left now …”

 

Then, unexpectedly, he got up out of his chair. “Enough for today, Miss Bluedancer. Vaneé will guide you to your room. We'll continue tomorrow.” With this he turned around and hurried through a door into an adjoining room.

 

Divica sat for a moment, bewildered and confused, when another door opened and Vaders servant entered, waiting for her to follow him. Hasty she put her datapad into her bag, stood up from the sofa and left Darth Vaders chambers.

 

~*~

 

Her room was on the other side of the tower. It had a huge window through which Divica could see the landscape of Mustafar, the view was spectacular. Pondering she looked outside, beheld the glowing lava rivers, dark hills and mountains, the smoke and mist which filled the air. This castle was as dark and unfriendly as the environment out there, it certainly fit the brooding and sinister being Darth Vader was. Though, she just got to know a whole different side of him.

 

Vader amazed her to a certain extent. Seen from the psychological side it was almost a dream to work with someone like him. Vader was clearly torn apart, his soul broken in half, that's why he was unstable and unpredictable, which made him most dangerous. Still, there was another side to him. Buried deep within him lay someone else, someone wholly different from Darth Vader.

 

Whatever her role in all this was, Divica hoped for her own sake she could give Vader what he wanted from her. Somehow she had the vague foreboding she wouldn't get out of this alive.


	3. 3

The next morning Divica sat in her room, went over her notes from the talk with Vader and tried to concentrate. The breakfast a kitchen droid had brought her earlier was untouched, she couldn't bring anything down at the moment, only coffee. Divica was exhausted and suffered from a lack of sleep because she wasn't able to shake off her worries and fears. In addition, she wasn't able to contact anybody on Coruscant, there was no long-range transmitter in her rooms. All she could do was hoping her family was safe and the Empire didn't put it's claws on them.

 

All through the night she'd heard noises, weird and eerie sounds that scared her. She felt like a little girl again who was afraid of the dark, suspecting terrible monsters in every corner. Yet, the only monster here was Vader, the Dark Lord, this sinister figure who had simply abducted her and brought her here, her fate completely in his hands. She was stuck in this unpleasant and cold fortress with no chance of getting away any time soon, just because Vader wanted it this way. Divica didn't even know if she could really help him. Either way, she surely was destined to die. Whatever Vader wanted from her she better provided it, maybe then there was a slight chance for survival. 

 

Sighing she put her mind back to work. What she knew so far was that Vader obviously never got over the death of his wife Padmé. He was full of regret and guilt, and he clearly hated his former master, this Obi-Wan Kenobi he had mentioned. More prominently though was the pain in his soul. Losing the one person he loved most in the world, risked everything for her and probably was responsible for her death, that was a definite game changer. Especially for someone with his powers. She wondered who he had been before he turned into Darth Vader. There was nothing to be found on the Holonet about him, of course, but when he talked of Padmé, he mentioned this name: Ani. Must be some kind of a short form for a name, but which name? Maybe she could find out his true name when she was talking to him again.

 

How could someone capable of such unconditional love turn into the monster Darth Vader was? A fierce killer, a destroyer and deathbringer with no compassion at all. Divica just couldn't believe it was only because he turned to the dark side. Even now Vader had feelings buried deep down inside of him, they were still there. He was only confused, full of fear, didn't know how to go on. If it was otherwise he wouldn't have called her for help. His former self must've been totally different. Well, he said he'd been a Jedi, the ‘Chosen One’. There must be something to be found about him in the archives of the former Jedi Order (whatever was left of it), if she only knew his true name.

 

In that moment the door was opened and Divica was jarred out of her thoughts. She turned her head to see who was entering. When she saw Vader standing there, she shot up out of her chair, facing him with anxiety in her eyes.

 

The sound of his mechanical breathing filled the room. The dark mask staring at her. “Are you ready Miss Bluedancer? ”

 

She swallowed then squared her shoulders. “Yes Lord Vader. I'm ready to continue.”

 

With heavy steps he came closer, tall and dark, his cloak billowing when he went to a sofa which was standing in front of the huge window and sat down. “Well then, let's proceed. ”

 

Quickly Divica snatched her datapad from the desk and went to an easychair next to the sofa. She placed herself in it, crossed her legs and looked at Vader. “Yesterday we were talking of Padmé, and you mentioned your master, Obi-Wan. I noticed your contempt towards him. Do you want to talk about him today?”

 

The Dark Lord only stared at her, silently. Like a gloomy statue he sat there, hands on his knees, unmoving. “Contempt?”, he started with a firm voice. “Yes. Hatred? Definitely too. He's the reason I am  this today, this burned, crippled creature. He was my master and couldn't even finish me off when the flames consumed what was left of my body. He abandoned me, simply let me down” Vader pointed a finger towards the window, where glowing lava-rivers crept like snakes across the dark earth of Mustafar. “Out there on the banks he left me, watched me burn and scream in pain, a helpless crawling thing with severed limbs. I perceived the abhorrence in his face, the disgust … and the disappointment. Nothing he said to me made any sense, I didn't hear it and I didn't care. All I knew in this moment was pain and suffering. I called on the Force for help, I called for Padmé, for my mother … it took all my will and all my anger to stay alive. I swore I would get my revenge some day, and I will get it, Miss Bluedancer. I hate Obi-Wan Kenobi for what he did to me. I'll find him one day. I'll hunt him down and find him and when we finally face each other again he will understand that he created Darth Vader. That all of this, the rising of the darkness, that it was his fault alone. I will make him understand before I kill him.”

 

Divica sat there, thinking. “Was it really his fault?”

 

“Of course it was! He doubted and mistrusted me - and not only he, the rest of the Jedi too - they all failed. That's why they're dead now. They got what they deserved.”

 

“You always have a choice, Lord Vader, I don't believe it was Kenobi's fault alone. There's always two sides of a story.”

 

“Let me tell you something, Miss Bluedancer”, Vader snapped back, his voice only a hiss and full of anger. “From day one I was manipulated, mistrusted and not welcome to the Jedi-Order. I was only a child, sad and distraught because I left my mother behind, went into a world I didn't understand with only one dream: To become a Jedi. If it hadn't been for Qui Gon Jinn the council would've sent me away instantly. Qui Gon was the only one who had trust in me. Things would be wholly different now if he wouldn't have been killed, if he'd stayed alive and would have trained me like he intended to. I know so. He was the only one who believed in me from the beginning.”

 

“You speak very highly of this Qui Gon. He must've meant very much to you.”

 

Vader sighed and lowered his gaze. “He did. Just as Obi-Wan once did.”

 

There was a moment of silence in the room, then Divica spoke again. “If there was one thing you could do to change all this, what would it be?”

 

“I wish I could go back in time,” Vader answered right away. “Go back to the moment Padmé came here to pursue me to go with her, live a happy life together with her and our child. I would wipe away my anger and just love her again. It would have never come to this fatal duel with Obi-Wan and I would still be the man I used to be.”

 

“Why didn't you, back then? Why couldn't you?”

 

“Because I was afraid. I had premonitions, visions of Padmé dying in childbirth and I wanted to save her. The only way I could do that was by turning to the dark side and gain more power.” His voice was low and shaky, filled with emotions. “It was in vain. She died because I turned to the darkness. I see that now. She died because of me. This realization kills me every day, over and over again.”

 

Divica nodded and felt his sadness physically. Tears filled her eyes. “I can imagine how hard it is for you.”

 

“No you can't! How could you possibly? I'm glad Padmé is dead! That she doesn't know what became of me. That she doesn't have to see me like this.” Furious he pressed the mechanics of his helmet and took it off, exposed the scarred and burned skin of his head, his lips just thin reddish lines, earshells melted and burned off. His eyes looked at Divica, open, awake - and stunningly blue.

 

Divica gasped, her mouth dropped open, staring at him. She hadn't expected this.

 

“Shocked, Miss Bluedancer?”, Vader asked with a sardonic voice, so different from his usual modified voice when he wore his mask. “ _ This _ is what Obi-Wan Kenobi is responsible for.”


	4. 4

 

“What do you see, Miss Bluedancer? A monster? A beast? Or can you see who I really am?”

 

Divica was shattered. She noticed Vader's unsteady breathing, he clearly had trouble with it, without the mask. His skin was pale, almost grey, and on one side of his head there were two huge terrible-looking scars. The psychologist had to swallow and cleared her throat before answering: “I see sad eyes in a burnt face. Are you a monster? I don't know. You look like one, but I don't know who you really are.”

 

“THIS is who I am!” Vader thundered and hot rage struck Divica when he jumped up, his blue eyes changing color and turning into a glowing orange-yellow, resembling the lava on this planet. “This!” He beat a fist against his chest. “You better get used to it. I will serve my master and this empire as best as I can. I will do all I have to do not to go down. I've come this far, do you really -” He stopped talking when he noticed Divica getting up out of her chair, approaching him, one hand raised as she came closer, touching his face, carefully putting her fingers on his cheek. “What are you doing there, Miss Bluedancer?” Vader turned his face away, but Divica, with soft reassuring pressure, moved his head back around to face her.

 

Lord Vader was so tall she had to gaze up at him, sensed his strength and power underneath the black armor he was wearing. Unspeakable power he possessed, but also vulnerability. His eyes turned back to blue. “It's not too late yet,” Divica whispered, staring at him intensely. “It’s not too late for you.”

 

Vader stared back at her. His breathing became heavy, he was struggling for air. “Yes it is,” he hissed. “Don't be fooled. For me it is too late.” After that he quickly put his helmet back on.

 

Without the mask he still looked very young. Divica understood now, that this black suit and helmet were life support armor. “How old are you?”, she wanted to know.

 

Vader looked down at her through the dark and rigid eyes of his mask. “I am only twenty-five.” His voice again sounded deeper and mechanical, emotionless.

 

Her eyes widened in surprise. She took a deep breath and slowly went back to the easychair, sitting down again. “Still so young ...” she mumbled bewildered.

 

“I don't know who I am anymore. Things changed so fast … all I have is my anger and hate for those who are responsible for what I am now. I’m eaten away by self-hatred, because I wasn't strong enough to prevent all of it.”

 

There was silence for a while in the room. Divica couldn't say anything, still trying to understand all this.

 

“You remind me of her,” Vader said under his breath, breaking the silence. “When I saw you just now, with my own eyes … you have the same dark curls and brown eyes as Padmé. You resemble her.”

 

“What?”, Divica exclaimed. “Oh no, Lord Vader. Don't start this.” A terrifying feeling crept up inside of her and she started feeling sick.

 

“But it's true.” He paused for a moment then continued. “You see, my wife was a senator for the galactic Republic, a queen before that. When I saw her for the first time I believed her to be an angel. She was everything that's good in this universe, she was everything good in me. I don't know how to live without her.”

 

“I wish I could've known her.” Whispering Divica’s gaze fell on Vader. “The way you speak of her … you idolize her, deify her. Even now, still. So long after her death.”

 

“Padmé was the only one who had meaning to me, but I was selfish. I wanted more. I wanted to safe her and didn't know how to do it. I was full of fear because I didn't want to lose her. However, every mistake I could do I did. All went wrong. So wrong.” He raised his head looking at Divica again. “You are the same. There is a lot of good in you, I can see it in your eyes. It's torture.”

 

“Well, maybe I should better leave then. I sure don't want to torture you with my presence.”

 

“Don't make fun of me. I'm serious.”

 

“And I seriously don't like the things you speak of right now. I am not your wife and will never be her, no matter how much I equal her.”

 

“Do you think I don't know this? Of course you're not my wife! But maybe you're forgetting who I am.”

 

“I know exactly with whom I'm dealing here,” she replied sharply. “An assassin and mass murderer is who you are. I know I won't get out of this alive.”

 

“You are very smart, indeed.” Vader sounded almost proud when he said this.

 

“Is this how it's going to end? Will you kill me after … after whatever it is you want from me? ”

 

“I don't want to kill you.”

 

“Oh how generous of you,” Divica scoffed. “You’ll kill me nonetheless.”

 

“Only if I have no other choice.” Saying this he honestly seemed contrite.

 

Terrified Divica swallowed and lowered her gaze. She'd known it all along, since she arrived at this place. Resigned she sighed. “I can't help you, Lord Vader.”

 

“But you have to,” he said desperate and determined. “I’m not effective enough anymore. I need to get rid of all these emotions inside of me or my master will kill me. I don't want to love Padmé anymore, don't want to miss her and grief for her. I don't want to hate Obi-Wan anymore either, he only did what he thought right. I need focus Miss Bluedancer, a clear head and mind. There is no place for panic attacks, nightmares and sorrow in my life.”

 

“I cannot help you. Those feelings will never fully go away. They might subside in time but never vanish. You will have to learn to live with them.”

 

Vader's breathing became unsteady when he heard these words. His hands formed into fists and a low growling sound came from him. Divica felt the air stirring around her, the furniture started shaking as if there was an earthquake, the floor was moving underneath her feet.

 

“You should better not infuriate me,” Vader said through clenched teeth. “I have a very bad temper and my patience quickly wears thin.”

 

“If you can't take the truth Lord Vader, then there is no hope for you,” Divica snapped back.

 

After a moment everything calmed down again. Vader relaxed and took a deep breath. “You are right. I shouldn't take my anger out on you. You're not the one to blame.” There was a moment of silence before he spoke again. “How can I learn to live with it? Ever?”

 

“I really don’t know,” Divica replied. “But it helps to talk about these things. You start to think which makes you understand them better. Then you can move on.”

 

“You're right. Absolutely right.” Vader stood up and hurried to the door, turned around and faced her once more. “Follow me, Miss Bluedancer,” he said. “I want to show you something.”

 


	5. 5

“Where are we going?” she asked hesitantly while getting out of the chair and following Vader into the corridor.

 

“We're going down into the catacombs.”

 

“The catacombs? What could possibly be down there that you want to show me?”

 

“You will see, Miss Bluedancer.”

 

“Cellars and dark places frighten me. Do we really have to go there?”

 

Vader stopped and turned his head. “You don't have to be afraid of anything with me by your side.” Then he continued walking to a turbolift which brought them downstairs.

 

~*~

 

After they exited the turbolift they walked through endless and shady corridors. It was hot there and Divica heard - and felt - the rumbling of the lava stream which was flowing slowly and indolently along, somewhere above them. The heat was almost unbearable, it was hard to breathe down here, but Lord Vader didn't seem to have any problems with it, probably because of the breathing device his helmet included. Divica had to struggle though, sweat was pouring down her temples and her back. With the sleeves of her blouse she wiped it from her forehead, stumbling along behind Vader, trying to keep up with him.

 

His heavy steps echoed from the walls, his cloak billowed in the steady pace he kept up. Divica was watching Vader closely, his smooth movements, the way his shoulders swayed in the rhythm of his walk; he kind of reminded her of a predator on the hunt. A feeling suddenly rushed through her, but it wasn't fear or intimidation. It was reverence. She sensed the strength and power smouldering inside of this man.

 

Darth Vader wasn't just the plain and simple evil that everybody thought he was, there was much more to him. He was a human with a horrible fate - and an unknown destiny. The more she learned about him, the more she realized that his evil had a sad reason. Vader was struggling with himself, was torn apart inside. The light and the darkness were fighting in him, each trying to get the upper hand. Which side eventually would win no one could tell.

 

They finally came to a huge portal made of dura steel with symbols on it, like the ones she had seen on the walls in the castle when she arrived here. Vader only made a slight movement with his hand and the portal opened. She followed him through and with a loud clunk it shut down behind them. Now it was pitch dark, Divica couldn't even make out her own hand in front of her eyes. She heard Vader moving and then his lightsaber ignited with a low humming sound, reddish glowing light emerging from it, illuminating the surroundings. Old, thick stonewalls and a high curved ceiling were visible, and it was much cooler here, too.

 

Vader shoved his cloak off of his shoulders and let it fall to the floor. “Follow me and stay close behind.”

 

They started going down the stairs. With Vader's every move the saber hummed, he held it up so its light could spread and they were able to see where they were going, step by step. A long seemingly endless stairway lay ahead. Divica and Vader went deep down into the castles dark maw, which devoured them. Finally came the last step and Lord Vader went to the left, very well knowing where he was going. It was another cave-like corridor they entered and Divica sighed unnerved. “Are we not there yet?”

 

“Patience, Miss Bluedancer. It's not far anymore.”

 

On they walked in the glow of the saber, only it's soft humming, their steps, and Vader's breathing were audible. Divica looked about. There were paintings on dark walls, obviously old and ancient. She didn't have a clue as to what they depicted, but they held a certain beauty to them and seemed mysterious and fascinating to her. Some of them appeared to be faces or grotesque masks, shaped odd, like distorted skulls. Others looked fierce, adorned with flourishes, shadows sliding and shifting across. It gave her the creeps.

 

Divica hurried closer to Vader. “We have to walk that way back again, all of it”, she lamented with a whiny voice.

 

Vader just walked on, unperturbed. “We have all the time in the world, don't we? You are not needed anywhere, except here, or are you, Miss Bluedancer?”

 

“Oh, how good that you bring this topic up,” she replied. “I am most definitely needed at home, and there are patients waiting for me. Plus, my family will wonder what happened to me. Maybe they already went to the officials to report me missing.”

 

Darth Vader stopped suddenly and slowly turned towards Divica. His shiny black helmet was illuminated by the soft glow of his sword. “Your family was informed that the Empire needs you. They won't go anywhere and report you missing.”

 

Divica lowered her gaze and shook her head in disbelief. “Good grief, my mum will go crazy,” she mumbled. “She probably already prepares my funeral.”

 

“Your family holds no faith in the Empire?” He sounded very surprised.

 

“The Empire, my Lord, is unpredictable. The only thing you can count on is that it will bring misery to people like us.”

 

“Misery? To people like you?”

 

Divica had to swallow. She already said too much. “You know, folks like me, normal people that don't have to do anything with politics and war.”

 

“Let's not forget your atheism,” Vader scoffed. “Do you ‘folks’ really believe in nothing?”

 

“Oh, we do believe. We believe in the good in this universe, in humankind. In joy, hope, and a life without hardships. That's what me and my family believes in. We don't want to have anything to do with the Empire.”

 

“Yet, the Empire provides everything you need, you obviously don't live in hardship. You live in the capital, having a better live then some can dream of.” Vader looked at her a long time. “You don't see it, do you? The Empire brought peace and order to the galaxy. I brought balance to the Force. Was the Republic ever capable of providing this? I was born and raised in slavery, as was my mother. And what did the Republic do other then debate endlessly in the senate? Tell me! Tell me, Miss Bluedancer.”

 

Panic seized her suddenly. Vader's words had an intensity that sent ice-cold chills down her spine. “I don't know, Lord Vader. In the history of this galaxy, both, Republic and Empire, have brought nothing but war and tyranny,” Divica concluded and sighed. “Each one for the same reason. Still, absolutism isn't the way.”

 

“Do you have a better suggestion on how to deal with these things then?” Vader's voice was dangerously low.

 

Divica was silent, glancing down. The tips of her shoes suddenly seemed a lot more interesting. “I'm not a politician.”

 

“Ah! Then this discussion is over. We didn't come here to talk politics.” With these words Vader turned around and started walking down the corridor again. “Come now.”

 

“I can sense something …” Divica whispered all of a sudden and her gaze shifted up to Vader. “It's coming from you … anger … cold ... darkness … the confusion inside of you.”

 

Vader suddenly stopped in his tracks. “You can feel it?” He seemed surprised. Once again he turned to face her, regarding her, considering, contemplating. He bent a little closer, as if trying to look right into her. “Yes,” he muttered in surprise. “There it is. Very weak … you're not even aware of it.”

 

Divica felt bewildered and puzzled. “What do you mean?”

 

He was silent though, only observing her intently. Then, quickly, he just turned around and walked on with firm steps.

 

Divica hurried after him. “Tell me, what is it?” she wanted to know from Vader.

 

Darth Vader just walked on and didn't give her an answer.

 

Suddenly she sensed another emotion, one totally out of place and very unusual for a Sith Lord: Affection.

  
  



	6. 6

They walked in the dim red light of Vader’s saber with nothing but cold darkness ahead of them. Divica shuddered. The deeper they entered the catacombs the more this awkward coldness down here enveloped and pervaded her. She rubbed her upper arms to get a little warmer, but it didn’t help. “You said you were a slave once. How can a slave become a Jedi and then … a Sith Lord?”

 

“Now this is a long and complicated story, Miss Bluedancer. Qui-Gon came and found me, saw my potential and was convinced that it was the will of the Force to take me with him and train me. That was the beginning.”

 

“Yes, you mentioned it before, but where did Qui-Gon find you? This little boy you once were, I wonder who he was.”

 

“Why is this so important to you that you keep asking? This boy you're talking about doesn't exist anymore.”

 

“Yes he does. He is still inside of you, buried … hidden. You don't want to be him anymore so badly that you deny who you truly are.”

 

“You better be careful with your words, unless you want to enrage me. Feel free to do so if you are willing to pay the price.”

 

“Excuse me?” Divica instantly got upset. “You brought me here against my will, _you_ want help from me, so you better cooperate. Otherwise this will be a dead end.” 

 

“Do we really have to get into all of this? Let the past sleep. It has no use anymore.”

 

“But I know the past will wake up one day and slap you right in the face when you least expect it. That's a fact, Vader.”

 

He stopped and turned around, staring at her for a moment. “I know what I have to do if the past comes back to haunt me,” he stated.

 

“Oh, really? One part of your past already came to haunt you and you called  me  for help.”

 

“The other part of my past I can handle myself, with an iron fist and my lightsaber. What's troubling me now is … different.”

 

“Then call on this Force and let it help you.”

 

“That's not how the Force works.” He sounded slightly amused saying this.

 

“Well then, stop threatening me when all I'm doing is trying to help you.”

 

“But you keep asking all these questions of things I want to forget!” Vader was shouting at Divica now, approaching quickly, pointing a finger at her. “I called you for help and not to make it worse.”

 

Intimidated Divica took a step back, her brown eyes carefully looking up at him. “Like I told you before, you need to work it all up, go through all these emotions anew, this time with the necessary distance so you can analyze them and understand, only then can you heal. It's a process and not an easy one. The scars on your soul are quite deep.”

 

Vader let his hand down and took a breath, before uttering: “It's true. Forgive me that I can't cooperate better, it's not in my nature, I guess.”

 

“So I've noticed. You are one stubborn and hard-headed person. Trying to help you is not easy at all.”

 

“I try to better myself, but for now we should go on. We're almost there.” With these plain words he just turned around and moved on, into the darkness.

 

~*~

 

After a while the environment changed, they entered a huge cave. Divica looked around, there were no ceiling or walls visible, the cave seemed endless, lost in obscurity. Lord Vader came to a halt and stood motionless for a moment, focusing, then suddenly light emerged around them. Weak, but bright enough to recognize the surroundings as the cave was illuminated by a blueish gloom. Where this light came from though, Divica had no clue. Vader moved again, deactivating his lightsaber, heading for a stone gallery not far in front of them. They passed by some enormous strange-looking statues standing at the entrance, their chiseled faces barely visible in the twilight.

 

“Where are we and where does this light come from?” Divica had to ask. This all seemed so strange to her, as if in a bad dream. She could sense something sinister and dangerous in this cave, something that tugged at her insides, trying to pull her out of reality. 

 

“Crystals in the walls”, Vader answered. “I willed the Force to make them glow. After all we want to see where we’re going, don’t we?”

 

“I want to leave this place”, she suddenly uttered. “Now.”

 

“Don’t be afraid,” Vader replied, unconcerned.

 

“There is something here … I feel it. I don’t want to be here, take me back upstairs.” She sounded urgent, pleading, almost panic-stricken. Divica stepped closer to Vader and tugged at his sleeve. “Please Lord Vader, bring me away from this place.”

 

“The dark side of the Force is strong here, you feel its presence. Don’t fear anything Miss Bluedancer, do not fight against it. It just welcomes you.”

 

“How can you bear this? All I want is to get away from this uncanny and eerie place.”

 

“It is an ancient temple of the Sith, that’s why you feel unsettled. Embrace it and this feeling will subside.”

 

Divica knew it made no sense to persuade Vader otherwise. She had to follow him. “Whatever it is you want to show me, please hurry up,” was all she could say.

 

Vader ascended a stone staircase and then stood in front of a few squared boulders, on top of them were some objects, shaped like pyramids, but two of them were in the form of cubes. Divica stood beside Vader, fighting back the cold and this scary feeling inside of her and viewed the finely crafted objects. “What are those? Is this what you wanted to show me?”

 

Vader nodded. “Yes, Miss Bluedancer. These are Holocrons.” He stretched out an arm, seized one of the them and placed it on the palm of his gloved hand. “Sith Holocrons.”

 

Divicas gaze locked on the square object on Vader's palm and she observed it with much interest. “This looks fascinating,” she murmured. “Is there something inside? And why is this one a cube?”

 

“There's a crystal inside with memories and thoughts of a Jedi, that's why this Holocron is a cube. The pyramidal ones belonged to Sith Lords.”

 

“Which Jedi did it belong to? How does this Holocron work?”

 

The Dark Lord handed it over to her. “Take it, hold it in your hand and focus. The mechanism inside will open it then.”

 

She took the Holocron in her hand and looked at it from all sides, frowning. “How is this supposed to work? Isn't there a button or so to open it?”

 

“No. No buttons. Just concentrate, you can open it.”

 

“Why don't you open it? It's yours after all.”

 

“You wanted answers, the Holocron can provide them for you. Open it.”

 

Her gaze shifted to Vader, who was looking intensely at the cube in her hand, his black mask as rigid as ever, no facial expressions she could read. He seemed like a living statue to her, so strange and so intriguing at the same time. Suddenly the answer came to her. “You can't open it,” she whispered.

 

“No,” was his plain answer.

 

“And what makes you think I could?”

 

“Please try. It resists the darkness in me. Breath and focus on opening it, that's all.”

 

“You say this as if it's the easiest thing in the world. I can't open it by just thinking about it. There must be a button to activate a mechanism -”

 

“There is no button,” he interrupted Divica harshly. “Just do as I say.”

 

“If you put me under pressure I can't do it anyway,” she snapped back and handed the Holocron back to Vader. “Take it and open it yourself then. Whatever revelations it may hold, it's on you to open that damn thing and show them to me.”

 

Vader looked at her outstretched hand with the Holocron and sighed deeply. “If you weren't the woman you are, Divica Bluedancer, your future would look really, really dark now. Nobody talks to me like this.”

 

“Well, I do.” Anger was gripping her now. She was down here in a dark and frightening dungeon with a man who could kill her in the blink of an eye. She didn't want to be here, didn't want all of this. Her fear of this place and this Sith Lord subsided. Somehow she knew that Vader would not kill her. Not now, not ever. He had said it himself, he didn't mean her no harm, and it was the truth. She felt it.

 

However, the feeling that she wouldn't survive, that her death would come soon, inevitably, was still hovering above her.

 

Vader's gaze shifted to her face now, the black eyes of his mask bore into her. “Please Divica,” he whispered, as if defeated by her defiance. “Help me and open the Holocron.”

 

His intense glare and the imploring way he said those words made her swallow. Her anger faded away and she nodded in agreement. “Okay.” Divica sensed that this meant a lot to Vader. She didn't know much about Sith Lords, but she knew a Sith never begged, they didn't plead or ask for anything. They demanded, ordered or manipulated people to do things.

 

And Darth Vader implored her, or wasn't it Vader at all? She bet the eyes behind this awful helmet were now as bright blue as they had been not too long ago when he had sat in her room without wearing it. “Okay Lord Vader,” she eventually gave in. “I'll help you to open the Holocron.”

 


	7. 7

Divica sat down on one of the boulders, carefully not to throw off some of the other Holocrons. “Focus you said?”

 

“Yes. Concentrate, connect with the kyber crystal inside.” Vader was still standing in the same place as before, gazing down at her. “You have it in you, Miss Bluedancer. I've sensed it. That is why you are so successful in your job, because it's more than just empathy.”

 

With an astonished expression in  her brown eyes she glanced up to Lord Vader. “That's what it was you saw, what you sensed in me in the corridor just moments ago.” She sighed deeply. “But I've never noticed anything out of the ordinary in the twenty-nine years of my life. Nothing at all.”

 

“It's not very distinct, only vague, but the Force in you is definitely present. At some point in your life it must have awakened, most probably when you where a young child. You've always been more empathic than other people, picking up their feelings, knowing what is troubling them and therefore being able to help, haven't you?”

 

Divicas eyebrows came together in a deep frown while she was thinking, biting her lower lip and pushing back a strand of her dark, curly hair. “You are right. But I thought everybody is like this.”

 

“No. You are force sensitive.” Vader paused for a moment, pondering before he continued. “Tell me, when did you first notice anything of this sort?”

 

Thoughtfully shaking her head she answered: “I don't know. Never. I've always been like this. None of us had ever anything to do with the Force, not my Mom, not my younger brother … nobody in my family.”

 

“What about your father?”

 

“I never knew him and Mom never talked about him.”

 

“So you don't know who he is?” Now Vader sounded surprised.

 

“No, my stepfather is the only father I ever had.”

 

Vader crossed his arms in front of his chest. “Very interesting, indeed.” His voice was low, distant, as if he was talking to himself. “So your whole life nobody ever talked about these things with you?”

 

“No. Like I told you before, I know nothing about my real father, the Force or the Jedi for that matter. I've never even seen one, there was never a word at home about -” Divica suddenly stopped as something came to her mind. An incident so long ago she already had forgotten it ever happened, and all the while she believed it had just been a dream. The faint memory was blurred and seemed surreal to her.

 

Vader noticed the change in her. “What is it, Miss Bluedancer? Do you remember something?”

 

“Yes,” she mumbled. “I've always thought it was just a dream, but it wasn't.”

 

“Tell me about it.”

 

“I can hardly recollect all of it ...”

 

“Tell me what you remember. Tell me, even if it's not much.” Vader stepped closer, urging her to go on.

 

Divicas fingers clutched the Holocron in her hand, she closed her eyes, trying hard to put together the fragmented images from the past, so they'd make any sense. “I was but a young girl,” she hesitantly began, “maybe about twelve years of age. My brother was still a toddler. It was late at night and I lay in my bed but couldn't sleep. I tried everything, read in one of my books, then listened to an audio-story from the Holonet, counted sheep after that, but nothing helped. It felt as if something kept me awake deliberately. All of a sudden I heard an unfamiliar voice coming from our living room and I wondered, who would pay us a visit at this late hour. Curious I climbed out of bed and tiptoed into the small hallway outside my room, trying to make no noise at all. When I came to the door which led into the living room I stopped and peeked through it to see who was talking to my parents. I couldn't understand everything they said because they spoke very low, but I saw this strange man standing in the room, as well as my mother and stepfather who were sitting on the sofa with their backs towards me.”

 

“Can you describe the man you saw?” Vader seemed excited and was talking with a heated tone in his deep voice. “Please. It is very important to know who this man was.”

 

Divica concentrated harder, trying to remember details, which wasn't easy. It almost seemed as if the memory wanted to stay hidden and distant. “It is all blurred and … his face … the man … he was still very young and he looked very sad.”

 

“And what did he wear?”

 

“He wore a robe. A hooded brown robe. Yes … yes, I remember … he was a Jedi. I noticed a lightsaber hilt on his belt.” Divica opened her eyes and gazed at Vader, wholly surprised. “How could I forget this?”

 

“Go on … did you see his face? Describe him as best you can.” Suddenly Vader’s demeanor was tense, he stepped closer, grabbed Divica by one arm and roughly pulled her onto her feet.

 

“I don't know …” she uttered, terrified of the Sith Lord who was so close now, holding her in an iron grip. His fingers were so tight around her upper arm they almost cut through her skin. “You're hurting me …” she whimpered.

 

“I need to know who he was.” Vader shouted, breathing faster. “Let me look inside.”

 

Divica opened her eyes in fear, she writhed and wiggled in his grip to get loose of him, but it was to no avail. The black mask came even closer, as if Vader wanted to look directly inside of her. His chest pressed against hers, he smelled  of leather, metal, duraplast and something else she couldn't name. “Let go of me,” she demanded.

 

Of course, Vader didn't even think about it. He was staring at her, raising a hand and holding it close to her temple. “Who was this Jedi?” he asked again, his voice only a hiss through the vocoder of his helmet. “Think of this moment Divica, and I will see him.”

 

Divica stopped moving since he wouldn't let go of her anyway. She let the memory come back to her mind, couldn't think of anything else but this moment so long ago: She, hiding behind the door, peeking into the living room and seeing a Jedi Knight for the first time in her life. Divica had been impressed. There stood a young Jedi in her house, his grey eyes looked directly at her, as if he knew she was there. Big grey, sad and unsettled eyes … and this Jedi seemed afraid.

 

“No,” Vader hissed and finally let go of her, as if he'd touched fire. He stepped back, head shaking in disbelief. “No. It can't be.”

 

Rubbing her arm she gazed up at Lord Vader, the Holocron still in one hand, almost forgotten. “You know him?”

 

“Oh yes, Divica. I know him very well. What I don't know is, what have your parents to do with him?”

 

“Well, who was it then?”

 

“My former master,” he whispered in astonishment. “Obi-Wan Kenobi.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Info: There was an error in the timeline of this chapter which I have corrected now.  
> Dec. 3, 2018


	8. 8

 

Hot rage was boiling in Darth Vader, trying to consume every cell and fiber of his body. He clenched his hands into fists and tried hard not to loose control.  _ Kenobi. _ What in the name of all Sith Lords had he been doing at Divica’s home?  _ Kenobi, of all people! _ “Do you remember anything else,” he asked her harshly.

 

“No,” Divica replied with a faint voice. “It’s a wonder that I even remember this. Although, it still seems like a dream to me ...”

 

“Well, it wasn’t a dream at all. This really happened.” Vader finally regained control, but the anger was still smoldering inside of him. He took a deep breath, before he spoke on. “The fact that you don’t really remember can only mean one thing: You were made to forget.”

 

“I … What?”

 

“The Force, Divica. Somebody who knows how to use the Force can easily make you forget certain things. Obi-Wan Kenobi saw to it that you forgot you ever saw him.”

 

Totally confused - and truly annoyed too - Divica glanced up at Lord Vader and replied: “This is too much for me … I don’t understand all of this.” 

 

“But I do.” Vader snatched the Holocron from her fingers, turned on his heels and without another word rushed back to the entrance of the cave. Quickly Divica followed him.

  
  


~*~

  
  


Vader was sitting in his meditation chamber, contemplating about Divica, Obi-Wan and all he had come to know of. There was soft music playing and he had taken off his helmet. He needed this to feel like a human being for a while, to calm down and to think. And he had a lot of thinking to do. How was Divica connected with Obi-Wan? That was what he had to find out. Vader closed his eyes and recalled the memory he had seen in her mind.

 

There he was, his former master, his once so trusted friend, the man he had seen as a father figure when he was still a young boy and as a brother when he grew older. Vader captured his image, observed it closely. There was a glimpse of sand-colored, short clipped hair beneath the hood, no beard, and he noticed the thin braid hanging over his shoulder. Obi-Wan had still been a Padawan at that time. Yes, he looked just like he did when he and Qui-Gon had found Anakin Skywalker on Tatooine. It surely must have been around this time. Ah, the secrets of a Jedi … Vader himself had many to keep. With certainty Obi-Wan and the rest of them all had had many. Well, in the end they’d taken them to their graves.

 

Closer he studied the images he had drawn from Divica’s mind. Her memory, one she couldn't quite remember because she had been forced to forget. But she hadn't really forgotten them all this time, otherwise she wouldn’t remember anything at all. Divica’s mind was strong, shielded through the Force. She didn't even know it, all her life she had been protected by it, the living Force within and around her. It was a beautiful light which he saw in her, the same light he had seen in Padmé. It was the light that shone in every living being. Only in some people it shone brighter, and Divica was one of them.

 

The Jedi’s eyes were sad, she'd said. It was true, Kenobi had seemed sorrowful and shaken, on the verge of tears. His emotions were written on his face, hardened the corners of his mouth. Vader had spent enough time with Obi-Wan to know when he was troubled.

 

Desperate like this though, he had seen Obi-Wan only once and that had been when Qui-Gon Jinn was killed. Back then he had felt Obi-Wan’s grief over his master's loss physically. He didn't speak much for months and Vader remembered that the rest of the Jedi council was extremely worried about him. Obi-Wan had trained him, yes, but there was no enthusiasm, no joy in what he did. He had lost his spirit for quite some time after his masters passing.

 

So, Qui-Gon’s death had probably just occurred, shortly before Obi-Wan had visited Divica’s house. But what did it mean? Why had he been there, for what reason? Vader actually had no clue.

 

He leaned back in his revolving chair, staring into nothing. He didn’t want to drink the water standing on a tray beside him on the counter, nor did he want to eat the food which Vanée had brought him. The pains in his body slowly but surely returned and he knew he would spend the night in his Bacta-tank again. Once again an inspection of his bionic limbs was due as well. This was his life now, and sometimes - very few times like these - he was tired of it all.

 

Vader didn’t want to think about it now, just wanted to enjoy this little peace and quiet for as long as it would last. Those moments were too rare anyway. With a slight move of his hand he turned the music off and dimmed the light in his chamber. His breath came even, no problems yet with respiration. He let his thoughts drift back in time, to a beautiful place, with green meadows where the grass was high, where waterfalls were running in the distance and the sun was shining down on him, softly warming his skin. He remembered that place very well, how happy and light-hearted he had been there once.

 

_ Anakin ... _  A whisper from afar …

_ Anakin ... _ Again that whisper, coming closer. All of a sudden he felt a presence, one so familiar it made his heart skip a beat. He opened his eyes and there she was. Padmé. Her smile as beautiful as ever, her eyes radiant, her brown locks cascading down her back. “My love,” he whispered, looking at her as if he couldn’t believe she was there. It was another dream again, or wasn’t it?

 

Padmé moved closer to him, reaching out with one hand. “Oh Anakin,” she said, her smile disappearing from her lips. “Look at you. What happened?”

 

Her fingers touched his cheek and he leaned into her palm, closing his gloved hand over hers. “My sweet Padmé,” he uttered overwhelmed.

 

“What happened to you? Ani, what have you done?” Her voice sounded full of concern now. Her eyes looked at him with dismay. “Look what you’ve become …”

 

Vader gazed back at her desperately. “I did it for us, to save you,” was all he could reply. “But I failed. Everything went so wrong, and now … now it’s too late.”

 

Tears sprang from Padmés eyes. “It’s never too late Anakin. As long as there’s love in your heart there will be hope. Don’t give up.”

 

“Don’t cry, sweetheart.” With his other hand he gently wiped away her tears. “I’ll be fine. I will always love you. It’s the one thing nobody can take from me, ever.”

 

“I can’t bear to see you like this. You’re so full of darkness … where’s the light? Don’t turn from it, come back.”

 

“It’s done Padmé, I can’t come back, but I will find a way to bring  _ you _ back. This I promise you.”

 

“It can never be accomplished, Ani. I’m beyond existence, I am gone. You can only save yourself.” She leaned forward and kissed his lips. Her soft mouth touching his ever so slightly, like the wings of a butterfly. But Vader felt the warmth she emitted, her very essence that passed through him. “I miss you so much,” he whispered, trembling. Vader closed his eyes and he was alone again.

 

All that was left in him was a void, as deep as the abyss that was his soul. He pressed his hands on his temples and suppressed the desperate scream which wanted to emerge from him.

 

There it was, the hot rage and anger, the self-hatred he flicted upon himself. He had to let it out, had to focus it somewhere before he’d burst. He had to kill. Some would die tonight and he'd show no mercy. It was the only way for him to stay sane, his only purpose as a Sith.  _ He _ was the most powerful being in this galaxy, beside Sidious. Not Anakin Skywalker, the whiny and weak boy he once had been. The darkness never let him down.

 

Vader quickly put his helmet back on and left the chamber, walking with heavy steps through his fortress to get out of this place, off of this doomed planet. Only in wide space he was completely free of boundaries, didn’t feel the pain as he felt it here where he had too much time to think, where blissful dreams were torturing him.

  
  


~ ~ ~ ~

  
  


Hi guys, I'm taking a little Xmas break. The next chapter will come some time in January, rest assured! I wish everybody a merry Xmas and happy holidays with family and friends. :)

  
  


 


	9. Chapter 9

Divica was in her room once again, high above the hot, glowing grounds of Mustafar. For two days straight she hadn't seen nor heard anything from Darth Vader. When they went back from that mysterious cave under this gloomy castle the Dark Lord had not spoken one word. There'd only been his breathing, their hurried steps and an almost deafening silence. Back upstairs Vader had left her as soon as they'd reached the corridor where her chamber was. Without a word he’d just stormed off and left her standing there alone.

 

Afterwards, whenever she asked Vader's servant Vanèe about him, she didn't receive an answer, he just silently put the tray with food on her table and left her to herself again. Divica was alone with nothing to do and it almost drove her crazy. She was tired of thinking about what happened, over and over again, didn't really understand all of this. All she knew was that Vader had been totally confused about the things he’d come to know. Divica had felt his hurt and rage physically. The name Obi-Wan Kenobi brought something out in Vader which best stayed buried. He was like one of those volcanoes out there on this planet, and just like them he could explode at the slightest irritation in his substance. One of those irritations sure was his former master.

 

Divica herself had a queasy feeling in her guts about all of this. Vader said she was force-sensitive, which she couldn't believe. She was just an ordinary woman, not able to levitate things, or like Vader turn on or off lights and open doors by sheer willpower. She wasn't able to look inside people and know what they felt, nor could she read their thoughts. The feelings she sensed from Vader were definitely only a projection of him to her, nothing more, and the little tingling sensation she’d sensed when touching the Holocron had been nothing more then her own tension.

 

Divica sighed, braiding her dark hair and after she was done letting it fall over her shoulder. She had so many questions and no one to give her answers. She needed answers. The only person who could provide those was her mother. She had to contact her but there was no way for her to do this here in Vader’s fortress. When he wasn’t around Divica was bound to these rooms, there was no access for her to the holonet and of course there was no long range transmitter available to her either.

 

Just in this moment the door to her rooms shifted open and Lord Vader stood in the frame, holding the Holocron in his hand. He wore his usual dark uniform, without the cloak and the helmet. A respirator was fastened over his mouth and nose, which was connected to his suit by two hoses on either side. It had a built-in vocoder because Divica was able to hear Vader’s voice as clear as ever.  “It is time for a little lesson, Miss Bluedancer.”

 

~*~

 

Twenty minutes later Divica was sitting on the floor, legs crossed, staring at the Holocron resting between her and Vader, who sat across from her in the same manner. “You need to focus, feel the energy.”

 

She let out an unnerved breath. “I've been trying, but nothing happens. There is … nothing. I sense nothing.”

 

Vader exhaled and lowered his head, his scarred and pale skin clearly visible without the helmet. “You don't give it your best. The Force is with you, I feel it. You should be able to open the Holocron with a little more patience.”

 

“Well, I can't. Why don't you open it yourself?” she hissed, glaring at Vader, right into his blue eyes. They gave her a distinct impression of the man he had once been, which surprised her and all of a sudden she felt pity for him.

 

“I can not open this item because I am a Sith, not a Jedi,” Vader replied with a firm voice.

 

“Neither am I,” she snapped back, defiantly crossing her arms in front of her chest. “But you were a Jedi once.”

 

“There’s a slight difference between a Jedi and a Sith, Miss Bluedancer.” Raising his head Vader looked at Divica, sighing impatiently. “We will have to go about this differently and start by zero.” He held out a gloved hand at her. “Take my hand and close your eyes.”

 

“What? No, I can't just … I mean ...”

 

“I'm really losing my patience with you soon, I assume you do not want that to happen. So, take my hand.”

 

The threat in his voice frightened Divica. She knew she had to obey him, otherwise … After a moment of hesitation she put her hand in Vader's, felt the hard metal of his bionic fingers through his glove as they closed around hers. She was surprised how careful and tender his touch was, despite this fact. With a deep breath she finally closed her eyes.

 

“And now,” she heard his voice, very low and soft. This tender sound gave her goosebumps and pleasant little shivers through her whole body. “Empty your mind, breath in through your nose and exhale. Let all tension go.”

 

Divica did as he said, and really, after a few breaths she felt at ease, calm, focusing on her breathing helped and cleared her mind. There was only … peace and quiet.

 

“Very good,” Vader continued. “You're doing just fine. Now, what do you feel?”

 

Divicas focus shifted, there was something all around her, a warmth which enveloped her and … was also flowing through her in soothing and pleasant currents. “There is warmth, waves of … an energy … that's what you were talking about.”

 

“Yes Divica, there you have it. The living Force is all around you. Explore it, get to know it, delve in it. Listen to it. Let go of anything else and just feel.”

 

Divica did as he said and it was amazing. She felt as if she was connected to the universe itself, detached from everything, free from the boundaries of her body and of this place. The currents were reaching out in all directions, like tentacles, and in-between there was this energy, binding and connecting all. Divica was sure, if she followed one particular tentacle - or current - she would find whatever she wanted to find, even her mother.

 

“Don’t get lost, Divica,” she heard Vader’s voice, pulling her out of this distant state she was in. “Stay in the here and now. Focus on what’s in front of you.”

 

It was a pity that Vader distracted her, dragged her back, made her do something she didn’t want to do. His dark presence was looming in front of her, consuming everything around her, devouring all the warmth and light in her. In this darkness he was so powerful ... and so cold. Vader was a mere machine with a broken soul.

 

There was also a light she detected, it was bright and pulsing but so small, as if afraid to come out and realize it’s full potential. Tears suddenly sprang to Divica’s eyes, trickling down her cheeks in a sudden rush of sadness. This light was even more powerful than his darkness, and he knew it. Yet, Vader held it hidden and veiled inside of him, for his own sake. He also knew, if he let this light grow it would mean death in every way, because it would bring back _Anakin Skywalker_.

 

Divica’s eyes opened wide in utter dismay, she gasped and looked at Vader, whispering his former name. “Anakin Skywalker ...”

 

*

 

The look on Vader’s face was resigned but his blue eyes were filled with despair. “Now you know all about me, Divica. This was your first and only lesson, enough for you to know how the Force works. You should be able to open the Holocron now.” His hand reached out to her cheek, catching one of her tears with a finger, watching it rolling down the black leather of his glove. A shiny, salty little tear that reminded him of Padmé.

 

Vader wished he had paid more attention to her tears on that dreadful day years ago when she was pleading with him to come back, here on Mustafar. If he’d only listened to her, if only he hadn’t let fear and greed get the best of him back then, she would still be alive. He would still be alive.

 

After a few more agonizing moments Vader regained his composure, took a deep breath and wiped these thoughts aside with all his might. He had aspirations which he couldn’t ignore and one of them was to open this Holocron. The Emperor had made it very clear what he expected of him, _painfully clear_. So clear, as the bacta-liquid Vader had spent the last twenty hours in to heal the wounds his master had inflicted upon him. To heal what was left of this shell called Darth Vader.

 

However, he was still here and he was the Chosen One and would live up to bring balance. No matter if Darkness or Light, in the end he would fulfill his destiny, he just had to sow the seed.

 

It had started with his birth on Tatooine so long ago, had taken over a decade of Jedi training and then his inglorious downfall, but only now he realized the greatness of the Force.

 

It was all the will of the Force and he was just its humble instrument.

 


	10. 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, I apologize for taking so long with the new chapter, but here it finally is. Sometimes the muse and inspiration just do what they want with a writer .. LOL.
> 
> Hope you enjoy the read. I promise to bring the next chapter soon. ;)

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

 

“And now, focus on the Holocron. You will know what to do, Divica. The Force will tell you” Vader's eyes were fixed on her, hoping she would not let her stubbornness interfere again. But her gaze was concentrated on the little cube sitting between them.

 

After a few moments she reached out and took it into her hand, her delicate fingers touching it ever so slightly and then … the crystal inside started to come alive, glowing slightly in a warm light. The Holocron lifted itself, hovering above her palm. It opened, all four sides extending a few centimeters and a hologram appeared. It was the blueish white image of Obi-Wan Kenobi in his usual cloak, hood covering his head. Divica gasped. “That's him, the man who came to our house all those years ago.”

 

“Yes,” Vader answered, gazing at the little image, swallowing hard. Memories came rushing down on him, unwanted ones of times long gone. “That's my former master. It's his journal, sort of a diary where he captured important and personal events.”

 

“And you want to know about all that's in there,” Divica whispered, her eyes full of awe. “Maybe … maybe even why he came to my house on this particular day?”

 

“Yes. We can go back to the date of Qui Gon’s death, see what he has to say about that. I need everything stored in this Holocron, perhaps I can even find a hint to where Obi-Wan might be hiding. Now that the Holocron is open I can transfer all the data into my personal archive to have permanent access.”

 

“How do we sift through this thing?” Divica was excited now, her cheeks blushed and her eyes were sparkling. “How do we find this entry?”

 

Vader looked at her a moment, before his eyes set on Obi-Wan’s hologram again. “Let's try first in the simplest way,” he replied. “Qui Gon’s demise,” he then said, determined and firm, but nothing happened. “Qui Gon Jinn’s death,” he tried again and all of a sudden the hologram disappeared and another one showed up.

 

Obi-Wan looked different in this one, much younger. Sitting cross-legged on the ground, looking straight ahead without focusing on anything. “ _Qui Gon Jinn’s death ,”_ the hologram said, voice sounding tinny and thin. _“ My master passed away a few weeks ago. He was killed on Naboo by a Sith Lord named Darth Maul, a Zabrak with red skin and black tattoos. I couldn't do anything to prevent it, I … I failed, I wasn't strong enough. The council doesn't blame me, nobody does, it wasn't my fault. I know it wasn't and still … I should've done something, I should've fought harder by his side and protect him, like he always protected me … I blame myself for his death and I don't know how to live without him. After all, he was my master …_ ”

 

Obi-Wan’s voice broke, he lowered his gaze and bit his lips to prevent the tears from falling, in vain. Glistening wet drops moistened his cheeks, he wiped them away with a hand but new tears just kept coming. “ _As it is, I have to live with that now. At least the Force gave me enough strength to rip that Sithspawn into pieces. ”_ Obi-Wan made another pause to collect himself. _“ Qui Gon has ascended into the Force and I know he is fine and we'll meet again when my time has come. But it is so hard, I miss my master, every single day. I know a Jedi is not supposed to have attachments, but … I loved him. He was the best master any Padawan could wish for. Qui Gon was gentle and kind, understanding and caring, and very wise. Stubborn too, at times, very much so. But above all he was a true Jedi that tried to live by the code and had managed to live by the will of the Force like no other Jedi I know, including me._ ”

 

Obi-Wan sighed deep and heart wrenching, again wiping off tears from his cheeks. “ _But even a Jedi like him wasn't flawless, he had his secrets that the council knows nothing about. Sometimes, very rarely, and then it was only due to the circumstances, he confided to me while we were on a mission that would drag out and take longer than expected. Missions on feral planets where we would have to spend the night and had nothing else to do but sit at the fire and talk._ ” Again he lowered his gaze. “ _With my master gone now it's on me to take care of a very delicate affair. On one of these missions we'd drank too much of correllian whisky, Qui Gon became very talkative and told me about a child he had. A daughter named Anaiis. I have to find her, have to tell her that her father is gone and what happened to him. Nobody else knows about this and it has to stay that way, it would be too dangerous if someone ever found out. Qui Gon made me promise never to say a word to anyone about this, and I always keep my promises, like the one to train Anakin. This clearly was his utmost priority since he so strongly believed that Anakin was the Chosen One.”_

 

Obi-Wan made yet another pause, his eyes shifting restless about. _“ We live in very insecure and dangerous times. Who knows what the future holds for all of us, for the galaxy. I can only hope the Force will be with us all. But the child of my master must live, this was very important to him and I will do everything in my power to protect her as Qui Gon had done. As soon as I find the strength to do so I will search for Anaiis and her mother. Qui Gon was pretty drunk that night and said something of dancers in a battle with blue glowing lightsabers. I … I think I know how to find her_ _._ ” Thereon Obi-Wan wiped his face once more with one hand, leaned forward with an outstretched arm and the hologram disappeared, exchanged by the other one from before.

 

Darth Vader was quiet, real quiet and didn't make a move, his eyes still on Obi-Wan’s hologram.

 

“What … w … what does this mean?” Divica asked in a hushed voice, confused and quivering. Her dark eyes gazed intensely at Vader. “What does this _mean_ , Lord Vader?”

 

The dark Lord inhaled deeply, his eyes set upon her with an unfathomable expression. “It means the death of you, Miss Bluedancer.”

 


	11. 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally made it, the new chapter. :) Hope you like it. As always I'd be happy if you leave your thoughts in a comment. Thanks everyone for reading and giving Kudos and subscribing or bookmarking. I really appreciate each and every one of you. ❤
> 
> (New chapter will be coming soon)

~ ~ ~ ~

 

**11**

 

Divica was in a daze, nothing seemed real to her as she desperately ran through the sinister halls and corridors of this dreadful castle. Tears sprang from her eyes and ran down her face in torrents. Panic and fear strangled her, heart pounding so fast it nearly jumped out of her chest. She didn't know where to turn to, this fortress was like a maze and each turn she made got her more and more lost. Helplessly she sobbed, her lungs were burning and she had to stop running to catch her breath. Frantically she turned this way and that, looking to find a way out of here, but everything was the same to her. The same walls, the same corridors, the same ceiling, as if she'd been running in circles.

 

Heavy steps were approaching, echoing from the walls. Divica tried to locate where they were coming from but it sounded as if each corridor was filled with an army of troopers. She whirled around, back and forth, until she became dizzy, but there was no way for her to escape. In the next moment she saw Vader’s guards approaching, dressed in crimson armor with helmets and masks covering their faces.

 

“No … please not … let me go,” she pleaded when they grasped her arms and forced her forward without a word, relentless and determined. Divica screamed and cried, tried to break free of them, but it was to no avail. She stood no chance against Vader’s Praetorians.

 

They shoved and pulled her along, but Divica didn't pay attention to where they were going. It didn't matter anyway, she would die. Here in this castle, by the hands of Darth Vader. She didn't want to die. Never would she have believed that she'd lose her life so spectacular in the end.

 

Her mother … she wanted to see her, talk to her one last time, ask her all the unanswered questions she had. Whatever the Empire had told her, Divica knew she wouldn't believe them one word. Her mother was probably already mourning for her. Most people who disappeared at the behest of the Empire never returned, they'd heard of it many a time before, never lost a word on this uncomfortable subject and forgot about those incidents as fast as possible. It happened all the time. Now was her time.

 

All this to be some kind of coincidence was also hard to believe. Divica felt it in her guts, there was a purpose behind this, but what this purpose was she didn't know.

 

What if Darth Vader had known all along who she really was? His powers were limitless, far greater than she was able to comprehend. Maybe he'd brought her here under false pretenses, knowing all the while that she was the daughter of a Jedi master, one Vader was connected to and who'd died some time before the clone wars.

 

Though, certain reactions of him during their sessions strongly indicated that he was truly searching for answers. The Dark Lord was at least as surprised as herself to find out who she really was. So, it was possible after all that he had not known about those circumstances beforehand.

 

Divica was crushed. At the end of her life everything turned upside down, nothing was as it had been before. She knew now who she was but she didn't know herself anymore. Her name was a different one, her background a lie, her life up until now only a pre-show for this very moment.

 

The Guards pushed her into one of the turbo lifts of the castle wich they exited on the top floor, Vader’s private chambers. Two guards took position beside the lift, the other two guided her to a large door. It slid open and Divica was brought in, left standing in the huge room with the panorama window. She looked after the guards and saw them taking position right outside the door before it closed.

 

Divica’s heart sank, ice cold dread crawled up her spine. What would Vader do? Would he execute her right here and now or would he order his crimson guard to do it? Her gaze shifted towards the window where she beheld the glowing lava grounds. The sky outside was pitch dark, no stars, no moon. It was as black as she felt inside.

 

Finally Vader entered through an adjoining room, still wearing no helmet, only the breathing device across his nose and mouth. His eyes looked upon her as fiery as the lavas of Mustafar. “Why would you run? You must know that it is useless, you can't get away from me.” He seemed very calm … and empty.

 

Divica couldn't sense the slightest emotion in him, but there was something, very subtle and not tangible. Apparently Vader was capable of hiding his true feelings under layers and layers of nothingness. By the way his eyes looked he was not in the best of moods.

 

“I … I just don't want to die. I don't want to die.” Divica’s voice sounded weak and shaky, panic-stricken.

 

Vader stood in front of her, very close. His scars cratered his pale skin and Divica heard all the mechanical sounds coming from his suit and his artificial limbs, a low constant hiss and hum. “But Divica Bluedancer has to die.” he said in a half-whisper, sounding soft and malicious at the same time. “There's no other choice.”

 

She felt another breakdown coming. “No,” Divica said desperately. “Let me live. I have done nothing wrong, I did whatever you told me to. Just … don't … please don't kill me.”

 

Suddenly Vader looked amused and almost as if he was smiling. It was hard to tell with the breathing device on his face. “Do you really think I would kill the child of Qui Gon Jinn, the only Jedi who ever truly believed in me, who I respect to this day more than I ever respected any other Jedi?” He paused for a moment, gazing into her eyes. “You still don't understand, do you? Obi-Wan was right, nobody can know you exist. Should the Emperor ever find out you will die a horrible death. Divica Bluedancer can't stay alive. You have to wipe her out of existence and become Anaiis. Only then you're safe.”

 

Divica looked up at Vader with big eyes, new tears glistening in them. “I … I don't understand … how am I supposed to do that? I'm Divica, that's my name. Divica Bluedancer.”

 

“Not anymore,” the dark Lord answered firmly. “From this day on your name is the one your father gave you. You heard Kenobi, what Qui Gon said to him. I've already started to wipe out everything of Divica Bluedancer in the archives and databases. Soon there will be no trace of her anymore. She never existed.”

 

“You can't do this!” Divica screamed at him as burning anger jolted through her body. “You don't have no right to do this. I am here, I exist, my mother knows I exist and she'll be looking for me.”

 

“Yes, about that matter … I will have to deal with her and your family.”

 

“What?” Cold fear ripped through her heart and it skipped a beat. “No. You can't kill them. Lord Vader I implore you -”

 

“Do you want them to die?” Vader’s voice sounded hard and unyielding.

 

“Of course not.”

 

“Then let me do what I must, Anaiis. They will live but they will hold no memory of you. Nobody you ever knew will.” With these words he turned around and left, walking through the door he had come from before.

 

Divica was alone. Confused and crushed she stood there in Vader’s chamber, not able to feel anything. When the guards came to take her to her own rooms she went with them without hesitation or defense.

 

Back in her room she lay down on her bed, squeezing her eyes shut. She didn't want to see or hear anything. She had to bury herself, the person she'd been all her live and become someone she didn't know. Anaiis. Who was she, other then Qui Gon Jinn’s daughter? Anaiis. It wasn't her but then, she was. If she wanted to stay alive she had to become her. If she wanted to protect her family she had to be her.

 

Vader was cruel, but then, he also had reason. He wasn't the monster everybody knew him to be, deep down within him there was still good. She sensed it as clearly as the tears on her cheeks. Evil had another side to it.

 

Pure evil didn't know that it was evil, it believed to be in the right. Darth Vader was different, he knew he did wrong, suffered everyday as a result and hurled his self-hatred and wrath on anybody to ease his pain and become stronger. He was cruel to her by punishing her for her existence. Left her alive solely because he knew she would suffer as well for the rest of her life.

 

~*~

 

Quiet. Peace. No turmoil in his soul. Blocking out his feelings had been the only solution. The light in his meditation chamber seemed much too bright, though it shone at usual level. Vader stared at the Holocron sitting on the sideboard next to him, Kenobi’s holo-image hovering above it. Looking like he remembered him in his dark brown cloak, hands hidden in wide sleeves, hood covering his head. There was no use in transferring the information into his private archives, Vader knew everything he needed to know now. Things he better had never learned of.

 

Deception.

Lies.

Manipulation.

As it had been all his life in the Jedi Order.

 

His eyes were burning, a glowing orange like the lavas of this planet. Anakin Skywalker was gone. A Sith Lord was what he was now and he finally accepted it. The quarrel was over. Anaiis would be his last act of kindness, only because she was Qui Gon’s daughter. He owed this to his first master, her father, the Jedi he’d hardly known, who'd been the only person to ever have true faith in him. Vader wished he could talk to him just one last time, but he knew this would never happen. Qui Gon Jinn would turn from him in disgust and contempt because of the very thing he had become.

 

Divica Bluedancer was dead, she couldn't help him anymore.

 

Obi-Wan Kenobi had revealed the birth of his child. Padmé had been alive after all, as he'd known all along. He did not kill her and she'd given birth. Kenobi had been there with her until the end. He, of all people. This knowledge hurt more than anything else.

 

The Emperor had also lied to him, deceived him from the very beginning. Everyone Anakin Skywalker had ever known did.

 

The only one thing in this universe he could count on was the Force. It surrounded him, filled him up and never lied to him. After hearing these shocking news out of Kenobi's mouth Vader had searched his feelings, reached out into the Force … and sensed it. Very subtle and indistinct, but the connection was there. A signature so familiar, one he’d sensed in Padmé's womb during her pregnancy. Anakin Skywalker's son was alive.

 

He was somewhere in this galaxy, hidden and protected by Kenobi. Maybe it was for the best of the doomed child, growing up to know nothing about his father, the most dreaded man in the universe. Kenobi definitely wouldn't tell him a thing, and if so his words would be nothing but _lies_.

 

The Emperor could never know of this either. Vader would make sure that his child and Anaiis were safe. Safe from him. The Dark Lord knew what he had to do now. First of all he had to forget Obi-Wan's words: _I witnessed the birth of Anakin's offspring and the death of Padmé Amidala. No one shall ever know the truth._

 

So be it.


	12. 12

 

 

 

His breath came fast, he moved restlessly from side to side in the tank filled with bacta he usually spent his nights in while on Mustafar, guarded by Praetorians standing alongside the wall and at the door.

Nightmares plagued him, once again. Images of battles long gone, Obi-Wan at his side. Then their desperate fight over life and death on this planet he now called home … his last battle as Skywalker, the Chosen One … the first battle as Vader, completing his transformation, manifesting his new self as Sith Lord of the Galactic Empire.

This time Padmé's tears couldn't extinguish the raging fire inside of him, her words didn't touch his heart. Anakin had loved her. She was his life, but her existence was in vain. She'd betrayed him like everybody else by bringing Kenobi to Mustafar and leaving his side in this hour of triumph. She'd turned against him and it had hurt as if she'd stabbed a knife through his heart.

Yet, he still loved her, he'd always love her. He would love her till the end for she was the only one, his angel. From the very beginning he'd felt nothing but love for her.

Vader inhaled hectically, uttering indistinct sounds, head moving from side to side as if his subconscious tried to wake him. But Vader didn't want to open his eyes, he would not face bleak reality, everything was better than this. Even nightmares.

“Anakin …” Padmé whispered. “My sweet Anakin …”

A tear broke from his eye when he heard her voice, mingling with the bacta liquid he was resting in. She was here, so close. His Padmé. The only person he would do everything for. “My Love,” Vader mumbled, taking in her fresh and flowery scent, embracing her small delicate body.

“Don't cry,” she said, wrapping her arms around his neck. “I'm right here by your side. That's where my place is, in good times and in bad, remember?”

And he felt her soft lips on his mouth. Anakin's breath hitched by the feel of it. This sweet sensation he once took for granted, now it was a most precious gift. 

“I'm here now.” As if she knew his thoughts Padmé looked up at him with her brown eyes. “Don't think of past times, it'll bring only misery and take away your pretty smile, and I love that smile of yours, Ani.”

Restlessly Vader moved in the tank, his breath became heavy and through his respiration mask came muffled, uncoordinated sounds. The droids monitoring his vital signs were at alert but didn't wake him yet, they'd seen the Dark Lord having nightmares too many times before.

Pain ravished through his chest, Padmé was dead and yet she was so alive to him in his dreams. More tears sprang from his eyes. It was torture, he didn't want to be tormented anymore. The pain of seeing her and hearing her sweet voice was too much for him to handle. All the memories of his former life were too painful. He would end this now, once and for all. This time he would choke her with his own hands and finish it. This time the blade of his lightsaber would cut through Obi-Wan's chest and kill him as he intended to do when they fought to the bitter end.

It was the only way to obliterate Anakin Skywalker for good, by ripping out his heart which still held too much love.

  


~*~

  


Anaiis was caught in a nightmare. She saw Vader standing in front of her, a hand stretched out and his fingers tight around her neck, choking her with a force she could hold nothing against. It was Vader before he wore the mask, when he was still looking like Anakin Skywalker, only his glowing eyes gave away his true identity.

She couldn't breathe, tried in vain to get his hand off her throat. What was even worse, what hurt the most was his love that was gone. Feeling his rage and fire inside of her in the pit of her stomach, burning and yet ice cold, she tried to scream but couldn't. Anakin had changed. She knew the Darkness already devoured him and it would never spit him out again. From somewhere she heard Obi-Wan, but didn't understand his words, neither did she hear what Anakin said whose mouth was moving as if talking. All she heard was the rushing of her own blood, the thunder of her heartbeat and the rumbling of the wild lava around them. Strength was slowly leaving her, she closed her eyes and scenes of her life flashed through her mind. But it wasn't her life, it was someone else's. Padmé's.

She saw how she met Anakin for the first time, only a boy, then a decade later when he had grown into a handsome young man, a Padawan learner on his way to become a Jedi. The first time they kissed, the first time they made love, the secret marriage and then she was pregnant.

How much she loved him, his unyielding love for her, their lives were bound together. Anakin used to say it was the will of the Force and she knew it was true. There were whispers, inarticulate and vague, trying to tell her something. Padmé was in pain, labour had begun but what was the use of it all? The father of her children didn't exist anymore. Nonetheless she gave life to twins, a boy and a girl but she felt her own life being drained from her. The only strength she still had was to give them names, names she and Anakin decided upon when things still had been alright. Luke and Leia. 

Now there were only tears and a broken heart, and death. Obi-Wan would take good care of her children, she could go in peace. The Force would take care of all else.

  


*

  


When Anaiis woke up she cried hot tears. Tears for a man who had lost everything, for a woman with a broken heart, for a monster in a black mask. She wanted nothing more then to finally get away from all this, couldn't take it anymore, didn't want all of it. Slowly she sat up and swung her legs over the bedside, wiped away those tears, then got up and went into the restroom.

  


~*~

  


Sometime, (you never knew what time of the cycle it was in Vader's fortress, time played no role here), the Dark Lord simply entered her room. Clad in full armor with his helmet and cloak he ordered firmly: “Take your things, we're leaving.”

Anaiis replied nothing, she only did what he demanded and half an hour later she and Lord Vader left Mustafar in his private shuttle, accompanied only by an imperial droid.

While traveling through hyperspace there was silence. Only the ships engines, Vader's distinct breathing and the mechanical noises of the droid were audible. At one time Anaiis couldn't keep silent anymore and her curiosity took over. The uncertainty of what would happen to her now was unbearable. “Where are you taking me?” she asked frankly, hoping Vader would give her an answer.

The mask turned around to face her, it's dark eyes fixing upon her with ferocity. “To a place where you are safe.” And that was all he said, turned back around to the controls and the rest of the journey went in silence.

  


*

  


Hours later the shuttle landed on an inconspicuous planet called Jakku, in the Western Reaches of the Inner Rim. Vader opened the hatch and motioned for her to follow him down the ramp. When she stepped outside the sun blinded her, its heat burning merciless. She stopped beside Vader and saw a man standing a few feet away who wore a dark brown cloak, much like the one Obi-Wan's hologram had worn. He was not older then maybe in his early thirties, with brown wavy hair and gentle grey eyes which gazed at Darth Vader with a wary and careful expression.

Anaiis looked about, there was nothing here but sand and heat, and in the distance she made out a few low huts. So, this was supposed to be her ‘safe place’? She’d probably die of a heat stroke in a sandstorm.

“What do you want?” the man asked Darth Vader and his voice betrayed the anger smoldering inside of him. “YOU, of all people?”

“I … need to ask you a favor,” Vader answered. He took a step towards the man but when he noticed him moving backwards, Vader stopped. “I mean you no harm. I know I am not welcome here and I will leave as soon as things are settled.”

The man crossed his arms in front of his chest and then nodded. “All right.”

The Dark Lord turned towards Anaiis and explained, “This here is Miss … Anaiis. She is the daughter of Qui Gon Jinn, there is no mistake.” His gaze shifted back to the man. “I ask you to take care of her, the Church of the Force is the safest place, you can take care of her.”

Surprised the man's eyebrows shot up. “Jinn's daughter? For real?” Now he came closer, putting his hands on his hips and studied Anaiis extensively. Then he looked up to Vader. “If I wouldn't know otherwise I would come to believe that you still have a heart.”

Vader didn't answer, instead he turned again towards Anaiis. “This is Lor San Tekka, member of the Church of the Force. You are safe here and you can live peacefully.” And with these words he handed her a Holocron. “It was your father's. Maybe it can be of help to you.”

Anaiis took it and looked at it. She remembered this one, it was one of those squares she had seen down in the cave below Vader's castle.

Anaiis grabbed her bag and went to San Tekka who was still watching her intensely. “You are most welcome here, I'll explain everything you need to know over a good cup of tea.” To Vader, he asked: “How did you come to know of this place anyway?”

“I know many things and I remember … kindness.” He made a short pause before he concluded. “I am in your debt. Rest assured that the Empire will leave you alone. I'll personally take care of that.” With no further words he turned around and walked with his cape billowing up the ramp, back into the shuttle.

Anaiis and Lor San Tekka stood in silence, watching the shuttle start and depart a few minutes later. “Come,” he said softly, putting a hand in the small of her back, guiding her towards the huts in the distance. “Let's get you settled in. You will like it here, we're a community welcoming every person seeking shelter from the Galactic Empire.”

  


~*~

  


Vader humbly knelt in front of his master who sat in his throne. He sensed the overwhelming dark presence and physically felt the cold emanating from Sidious. Lord Vader wasn't pleased to be back on Coruscant but he had no other choice and hid his emotions well.

“Lord Vader, it's good to have you back and fully recovered. Have you found out what we need to know?” 

“I tried to get the data from the Holocron, just as you requested. I am sorry, my master. I failed. In the effort to open the Holocron I broke the crystal. The data it contained is forever lost. I found nothing.”

“Didn't you go back to the light to accomplish the task?”

“I tried but … it wasn't possible. I just couldn't … I … I have failed you, my Emperor.”

“I cannot blame you, the light is something we already surpassed,” mumbled Palpatine and leaned back in his throne. “And the other problem, have you found a solution?” 

“It is done. The nightmares are also gone and will never come back.” 

“Good, good. Then everything will come as I've foreseen,” he smiled this evil little smile of his. “Now it's time for you to go back to work. Grand Moff Tarkin is awaiting you at the Executor. You both will oversee the completion of the Death Star.”

“Yes, my master.” Darth Vader got up and just as he wanted to leave he heard Palpatine's voice again. 

“I see nothing but darkness in you. I have to admit, I didn't expect this.”

“It's your training, master. Most effective. I am proud to have you as my teacher.”

  


~*~

  


Anaiis was warmly welcomed into the village community and the Church of the Force. She settled in and became very dear to Lor San Tekka who helped her and also trained her to keep her force ability in check. Whenever she could she opened the Holocron and found out so many things about her father, got to know him almost as if she had lived with him her whole life. She soon felt the connection and even started dreaming about Qui Gon Jinn. He told her stories about Anakin Skywalker when he was still a Jedi, told her how sorry he was that he wasn't able to raise her himself. Qui Gon was gentle and wise and funny and Anaiis cried every time while dreaming of him. Her father also told her that she carried a child under her heart.

The Force always balanced everything out and it was a mystery to her as it had always been. Often she thought about her mother and how happy she would be for her, having a child of her own now, making her a grandmother. Yet, she would never know.

  


Lor was concerned. Sometimes Anaiis caught him watching her closely and when he noticed her questioning gaze he would only smile and go about his work. Anaiis knew he was thinking the same as she did: How could she be pregnant when there was no father to the child? 

One night, in her dream, she asked Qui Gon about it. _All is as the Force wills it._ That was everything he said and then … she never dreamed of him again. Nine month later she gave birth to a baby girl and named her Quinah. 

Anaiis loved her daughter like she never loved anyone before. She raised her alone with the help of San Tekka and the others of the village. The girl grew up sheltered and protected. She was force sensitive but never consciously used any of her powers, though, she learned everything she could of the Force. And she was the spitting image of her mother.

 

Then the war began, about approximately one year after the battle of Endor. The Rebellion was fighting the remnants of the Empire to end its tyranny and to establish the New Republic in the Galaxy. Things were bad but here on Jakku it was still silent for a while, the war far away. Until the battles expanded throughout the galaxy and even Jakku wasn't spared anymore. A hard battle was fought over the planet, badly damaged star destroyers fell from orbit like dead birds, shaking the earth of Jakku at impact. However, the village was too far from every important base. Rebels defended citizens and villagers against the Imperials and protected them, providing for them what was needed, even the Church of the Force.

 

One day a group of fugitives arrived, escaping the battles, seeking a safe place to stay. A young man caught interest in Quinah, and of course they fell in love and eventually got married. They had a child, a girl who was born during the rise of the First Order.

Anaiis was old by now, her once brown curls had turned white, her pretty face was wrinkled from age. When she held her granddaughter in her arms for the first time, overwhelmed and happy, she saw the light in her, so much stronger than within her own daughter. So strong as she had seen it only once a very long time ago, deep within a man who wore a black mask. And she had a vision, a vision of the galaxy that would finally find peace. She kissed her grandchild on the forehead and whispered, ‘ _The Force will be with you always.’_

 

This girl would grow up, be known as Rey and she’d then be drawn into events that would make it necessary to exploit the full potential of her powers to fulfill her fate, as well as that of the Skywalkers.

  
  
  


**THE END**

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is it, the end of the story as I planned it. My theory of who Rey could be. Who she really is and how the sequels will come to an end we will have to see in December when The rise of Skywalker hits theaters. I'm telling you, I can hardly wait ... 😉😊


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